Nurturing Love Amidst New Challenges
The journey into parenthood is a profound and transformative experience that brings immense joy and fulfillment, but it's important to acknowledge that it also introduces its fair share of new challenges, particularly to the relationship between partners.
In fact, research shows that 2/3 couples will experience a significant drop in relationship satisfaction within 3 years of a child’s birth. The challenges for new parents can include a decrease in relationship quality, emotional changes such as the experience of postpartum depression or baby blues, fathers experiencing depression and feelings of displacement and significantly less time to invest in yourself and your relationship – all while getting very little sleep.
The statistics may seem daunting, but they serve as a reminder that many couples encounter challenges during the transition into parenthood. By understanding the emotional changes and postpartum experiences that both partners may face, couples can approach these difficulties with empathy and support.
In this blog post, we will delve into insights and practical strategies from experts including The Gottman Institute, to help you nurture a strong and resilient relationship as you embark on this incredible journey of parenthood.
We’ll explore three key phases of the transition into parenthood and discuss actionable steps you can take to prepare for the arrival of your baby, prioritise your relationship during the first six months, and continue building a deep connection with your partner as you embark on this lifelong journey together.
While Preparing for Baby
Having a strong relationship and preparing your relationship before baby is born will provide a solid foundation for you as a couple after baby is born.
Here are a few key things you can do to strengthen your bond and prepare yourselves for the joys and challenges of parenthood:
Open Communication: Foster open and honest communication with your partner. Take the time to discuss your expectations, fears, hopes, and dreams about parenthood. Listen actively to your partner, showing empathy and understanding, and strive to find common ground.
Strengthen Your Friendship: Invest time and effort in nurturing your friendship as a couple. Engage in shared activities, create memorable experiences, and maintain a sense of humour. Building a foundation of friendship will serve as a strong pillar during the transition into parenthood.
Nurture Fondness and Admiration: Strengthen the emotional connection with your partner by cultivating a sense of fondness and admiration. Focus on their positive qualities and express appreciation for their efforts and support. This will create a positive foundation for any challenges ahead.
Your before baby arrives activities:
Discuss with your partner:
Set some time aside to sit down with your partner and have an open and honest conversation about your expectations, fears, hopes and dreams for parenthood. Listen actively to each other and show understanding.
Connect with your partner:
Think of a fun activity you can do together that will foster your friendship before baby arrives.
By yourself:
Be intentional about noticing your partners positive qualities and express your appreciation for them. (Both partners should do this!)
First 6 months - Navigating the Early Months: Prioritizing Your Relationship
The transition into parenthood is a profound life change that impacts both individuals and the relationship. The first few months with a newborn can be demanding and overwhelming. Sleep deprivation, increased responsibilities, and changes in priorities can create stress and strain on the couple's bond, even while enjoying the new life you’ve created. It’s important to invest in your relationship, be on the same page and prioritise activities that nurture you as a couple and individually.
Here are some strategies to help you navigate this period and prioritise your connection during this time:
Teamwork and Shared Responsibilities: Establish a team-based approach to parenting. Collaborate on tasks such as nappy changes, feeding (when possible), and household chores. Sharing responsibilities and decision-making processes is essential to avoid feelings of resentment or overload. Regularly checking in with each other will ensure you both feel supported and heard in your roles as parents. Collaborate on parenting strategies, adapt as needed, and remember to celebrate each other's contributions.
Nurture Emotional Intimacy: Make an intentional effort to connect emotionally with your partner. Create opportunities for meaningful conversations and both sharing your feelings honestly. Express appreciation and support, actively listen to each other, and show empathy. Small gestures of affection can go a long way in maintaining a strong emotional bond.
Prioritizing Self-Care: The demands of parenthood can leave little time for self-care, but it's crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship. It’s important to ensure that both partners have the time to take care of their needs as an individual, as it directly impacts your ability to nurture your partnership and your child. Make time for self-reflection, relaxation, and pursuing activities you enjoy. By prioritising self-care, you can better show up for yourself, your partner, and your child.
Your first six months activities:
Discuss with your partner:
Set aside time to discuss with your partner how you can share the baby and household responsibilities. It can be difficult to share the baby responsibilities in the early days, but it’s important that the stay-at-home parent not be solely responsible for baby, and that the working parent has an opportunity to bond with baby. Having the working parent take ownership of the bath time routine may be a good place to start. Celebrate each other’s contribution and share your fondness verbally.
Connect with your partner:
Intentionally create opportunities for meaningful and open-ended conversations. Ie. “What do you want our life to be like in 5 years’ time?” breaking free from the constant baby and household upkeep talk. Actively listen to each other, show empathy and respond positively to each other.
By yourself:
Decide on a self-care activity that you can do each day or each week. This may be small in the early days, like going for a walk by yourself, meeting a friend for a chat, or taking a moment to sit and relax while your partner takes the baby out. Ensure both partners have a self-care activity and encourage each to take the time to do them.
Your ongoing parenthood journey - Building Connection and Prioritizing Your Relationship After the First Six Months
As the initial months pass and you settle into your new life and roles as parents, it’s crucial to continually invest in your relationship and deepen the connection with your partner. Dr. Gottman says “the greatest gift you can give your baby is a strong and healthy relationship between the two of you”.
Here are some are 3 key ways that you can strengthen your relationship and build connection:
Establish Rituals of Connection: Incorporate regular rituals that allow you to connect and bond as a couple. Whether it's a weekly date night, daily check-ins, or shared hobbies, these rituals strengthen your emotional connection and demonstrate your commitment to each other. Regularly express love and affection, reinforcing the emotional connection between you.
Communicating with Love and Respect: Effective communication is a cornerstone of any successful relationship, especially during the transition to parenthood. The Gottman Institute's research emphasizes the significance of healthy communication patterns, such as using "I" statements, active listening, and expressing needs and desires clearly and respectfully. By fostering a safe space for open dialogue, you can address concerns, resolve conflicts, and prevent resentments from building up.
Seeking Support: Seek support from trusted friends, family, or professionals who can provide guidance and understanding during this transformative time. Join parenting groups or seek couples therapy if needed and accept help that is offered. Recognise that reaching out for support is not a sign of weakness but a wise choice. You can participate in workshops or support groups specifically designed for new parents can also offer valuable insights and a sense of community.
Your ongoing connection building activities:
Discuss with your partner:
Create space with your partner to express your needs and desires. When expressing your needs, ensure you are using “I” statements, and when your partner is expressing their needs and desires, listen actively and respond positively.
Connect with your partner:
Decide what Rituals of Connection you can incorporate into your relationship to grow your bond and connect with one another. This may be a weekly date night, daily check-ins, shared hobbies or a six second kiss.
By yourself:
Choose one area to seek or ask for support in this week. This may be asking a family member or friend to mind the baby for an hour, accepting an offer of a meal made for you, joining a local parent’s group, booking couples therapy, or asking your partner to support you in an area that you are struggling.
Building a Deeper Connection is Possible
Remember, while the transition into parenthood is a remarkable journey, it is normal for it to also bring challenges, particularly in your relationship. However, during this time, you can also build deeper connections by prioritising activities and conversations that foster bonding and emotional intimacy between you and your partner. Remember to cultivate friendship and emotional connection, communicate with love and respect, share parenting responsibilities, prioritize self-care, and seek support when needed.
If you are expecting, or in the midst of newborn life and want to learn how to strengthen your friendship, increase intimacy and regulate conflict, our Bringing Baby Home Workshop is perfect for you.
67% of couples who attend the Gottman Institute Bringing the Baby Home Workshop report a significant increase in relationship satisfaction.
And research clearly shows that children thrive in a home where their parents love one another, care for one another, and where conflict is managed in such a way that the relationship intimacy of both parents, and their children is strengthened.
Head over to our Bringing Baby Home Workshop page for all the details or reach out to us if you’d like to register your interest for the next workshop.
