From Flooded to Focused: Practical Skills to Use During Conflict

Here are practical, research-informed skills that our MM couples can actually use in real time.

The 90-Second Reset

Neuroscientist Jill Bolte Taylor describes how the chemical surge of an emotional reaction lasts about 90 seconds (unless we keep feeding it with our thoughts).

When you feel conflict/flooding rising:

• Stop talking.

• Put both feet flat on the ground.

• Take 5 slow breaths.

• Say: “I’m getting flooded. I need a minute.”

You are not abandoning the conversation.
You are preventing escalation.

Regulate before continuing further to avoid unnecessary conflicts.

Softer Sentences – Same Meaning

Research from Dr. Sue Johnson shows that it is our vulnerability that connects us. Criticism separates us from each other.

Instead of:
“You never listen.”

Try:
“When I feel unheard, I start to panic a little.”

Instead of:
“You don’t ever help.”

Try:
“I need some reassurance right now.”

Under every sharp sentence is a softer one. In every harsh complaint there is a gentler longing for something. Practice finding it.

The 5:1 Repair Rule

Dr. John Gottman found healthy couples maintain about five positive interactions for every negative one during conflict.

Positive does not mean grand gestures. It can be:

• A gentle touch

• A small smile

• “I know we’re both tired.”

• “We’re on the same team.”

• “It’s ok, be patient with me, I’m trying to understand you”

Micro-moments of warmth lower threat levels and re-orients us back towards each other.

Name the Pattern

When you feel the familiar loop starting, interrupt it:

“I think we’re doing our thing again.”
“When I push, you shut down.”
“When you go quiet, I get louder.”

The goal is not to analyse or place blame.
It is to move from opponent mode to observer mode.

You and your partner versus the cycle.

Time-Limited Conflict

Set a timer for 14 minutes.

• 7 minutes: Partner A speaks.

• 7 minutes: Partner B reflects back what they heard.

• Final task to do together: Identify one small step forward, collaboratively.

When the timer ends, you stop. Even if unfinished.

This prevents marathon arguments that damage connection.

Ask the “Meaning Question”

Instead of back and forth debating the content of an argument, instead ask:

“What does this mean to you?”

You may discover:
Money equals fear.
Sex equals closeness.
Housework equals respect.
Time alone equals survival.

Once their meaning is named, arguments can soften and combative conversations are reduced.

I Appreciate The Little Things

If you are noticing that resentment or distance is building, introduce a daily ritual:

Each evening, share one specific appreciation.

Not generic praise, be specific.

“I noticed you packed the lunches.”

“I loved that you backed me up today in front of the kids.”
“Thank you for checking in about my meeting.”

Positive sentiment must be actively built. It does not maintain itself.

Pre-Conflict Prepping

Have this conversation when calm, ideally before having a tricky conversation:

“We know that when I get overwhelmed, I tend to withdraw.”
“When I feel distance from you, I will try to pursue.”

Then collaboratively agree on your signals to look out for.

Example:
If one partner tends to withdraw, they say: “I’m not leaving. I just need 15 minutes.”
If one has a tendency to pursue, they say: “I’m not attacking. I’m anxious.”

Help each other overcome the familiar patterns of conflict.

Repair Repeatedly

Healthy couples are not conflict-free. They are usually great at repairs though!

Repairs can sound like:

“That came out wrong.”
“Can we restart?”
“I’m getting defensive.”
“I care about you even though we disagree.”

Tiny resets mid conflict, mid conversation can prevent big fractures.

Remember…

If you feel like you and your partner are fighting about the same things repeatedly, this does not mean that your relationship is doomed. The goal of relationship counselling skills is not to eliminate conflict completely; it is to argue in a way that leaves the relationship intact. Conflict when it is managed well does not weaken or damage the relationship. At MM, we like to think of conflict being able to strengthen the bridge to each other, instead of burning it to the ground! For more information check out our website.

By Carlie Kowald

Cyclical Conflict: Same Argument, Different Day

Many of our MM couples enter therapy feeling frustrated and discouraged, having each other that they would not revisit the same old argument again and again. Yet the conflict re-emerges with familiar themes, emotional tone, and unfortunately outcomes.

It is common for partners to conclude that they have a major communication problem, often stating, “We just don’t communicate well.” While communication difficulties may be present, recurrent conflict is rarely driven by the surface issue alone. More often, it reflects entrenched patterns shaped by attachment dynamics, emotional regulation styles, and unmet relationship needs operating beneath each other’s awareness.

Without addressing these underlying psychological processes, couples can find themselves restarting the same cycle of conflict, regardless of the topic at the time (housework, driving style, spending habits, parenting styles, the list goes on).

Most Couple Conflicts Are Not About The Dishes

Research by John Gottman indicates that nearly 69% of relationship conflict is perpetual rather than solvable. These recurring disagreements are typically rooted in differences in personality, attachment needs, values, or lifestyle preferences, not in the surface issue itself.

For example, one partner may value routine while the other prefers flexibility. One may seek frequent reassurance, while the other prioritises independence. One may want to resolve issues immediately, while the other needs time and space. These differences reflect temperament, not dysfunction.

When couples attempt to “win” these disagreements rather than understand them, the conflict repeats. Arguments about dishes, laundry, or taking out the bins are rarely about the tasks themselves. More often, they represent deeper concerns such as fairness, reliability, autonomy, or feeling valued.

Vulnerability Amongst the Conflict

Sue Johnson, who developed Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), explains that most repeating arguments in relationships aren’t really about the surface issue, they’re about attachment fears and wounds.

Underneath the fight, each partner may be asking themselves: Do I matter to you? Am I safe with you? Will you be there when I need you? These fears are usually unspoken, but they drive a lot of the undercurrent of tension.

Usually, this plays out in a familiar cycle: one partner pursues or protests, expressing frustration or criticism, while the other withdraws to protect themselves from overwhelm. The more one pushes, the more the other pulls away, creating a repeating loop.

It can look like one partner is critical and the other cold, but really, both are protecting something vulnerable. The pursuer is trying to maintain connection; the withdrawer is trying to manage emotional intensity. Neither is “wrong”, it is the cycle itself is the real challenge.

‘Fight and Flight’ Within The Fight

When conflict escalates, the body enters a physiological threat response. The amygdala becomes highly active, heart rate increases, and cortisol levels rise. Extensive research by John Gottman indicates that once heart rate exceeds approximately 100 beats per minute, cognitive ability for unbiased problem-solving declines significantly. At this point, interactions are no longer guided by rational discussion but by a protective, instinctual response.

This physiological state explains why individuals may say harsh things, why logical reasoning diminishes, and why recurring conflict patterns tend to repeat. The nervous system responds more rapidly than rational thinking, often overriding attempts at constructive communication.

Tips For Interrupting Your Conflict Cycle

Research shows that cyclical conflict can be reduced with several evidence-based strategies:

Prioritise Physical Regulation

When emotion is high, it is recommended to pause for at least 20 minutes. This pause is not intended as avoidance, but as an opportunity for the nervous system to return to a regulated state, thereby supporting more constructive engagement. Breathwork, movement, music or journalling may be helpful.

Validate Before Problem-Solving

Validation involves acknowledging and understanding your partner’s emotional experience, without necessarily agreeing with their perspective. For example “I can see why that felt upsetting for you”. Find something to validate for them. This nurtures safety and openness, creating a foundation for effective problem-solving.

Be Curious, Label and Name The Patterns

Openly recognising your own recurring conflict cycles can slow and stop the escalation. For example “When you stop responding, I react by raising my voice, which then leads you to withdraw further. That is our loop”. By sharing and labelling the process it helps to de-personalise the conflict cycle and increases both partners awareness of these patterns.

In summary, break your own cycles of conflict by taking a moment to pause, understand both partners underlying fears and vulnerabilities, validate each other’s emotions, and name the pattern together. For more personalised assistance with implementing these strategies and more, please speak with your MM Psychologist.

By Carlie Kowald

Your Relationship Review for 2026

January usually comes paired with idealistic promises to ourselves: hopeful gym memberships, colour-coded shared planners, resolutions for lifestyle change and the beautifully optimistic idea that this year, yes THIS year, will be the year you finally become the couple who communicates flawlessly, gets on the ‘same page’ as each other and who rarely argue about who didn’t do their half of the chores this week.

But like we mentioned in last month’s blog, picture perfect perfection isn’t the goal in any relationship – genuine connection is. And as the Gottman therapy approach consistently shows, strong relationships aren’t built on the absence of conflict, but on the presence of friendship, repair, and choosing each other daily.

Whether you’re entering the year feeling connected or detached, exhausted or hopeful, here’s some tips from us at Motivating Marriages to help you start the new year on the same team.

Rituals Replace Resolutions

Most New Year’s resolutions stop somewhere between “We’re going to start running together, it’ll be great” and “It’s too hot, I’m tired, let’s stop, my legs hurt.”

Instead, try to focus on creating relationship rituals, which are small predictable moments in your day or week that strengthen connection without requiring a huge amount of time or effort (like running!).

We suggest rituals such as:

• A weekly ‘State of the Union’ check-in (Gottman style: 20 minutes, feelings allowed, blame prohibited, I statements)

• A morning hug that lasts at least six seconds, soften into it

• A Friday night ‘phew we survived another week’ date, even if it’s just eating takeaway on the lounge in your PJs, anything but separately doomscrolling. 

Rituals are more achievable and easier to maintain than resolutions often are.

Buy Into Their Bids

According to Gottman therapy, couples build intimacy through thousands of tiny ‘bids for connection’. Some are sweet (“Come look at this sunset with me” or the now infamous “I saw a bird today” – a viral meme which is actually a super cute ‘bid for connection’), and some are… less obvious (“Hey, did you read that headline today?)

Starting strong in 2026 means turning toward these bids more often than you turn away. Trying to be more conscious of your partners bids to you than you were last year.

Your partner may be needing a bid for:

• attention

• affection

• help

• reassurance

Saying No, We’re Not Falling For That Again This Year

Some fights can be prevented by acknowledging, and accepting, what simply hasn’t worked well for you as a couple in the past.

For example:

• “We don’t start heavy discussions after 10pm.”

• “We don’t host every family event just because we have a big backyard”

• “Building flat pack furniture is best done when we’re not under time pressure”

Clear boundaries = fewer disasters. Learn from the past what is best to avoid.

A Thousand Thankyou’s

Many couples underestimate how important and meaningful a small thank-you is.

Try starting 2026 with the intentional habit of noticing the tiny things:

• “Thanks for making the coffee, it was just what I needed.”

• “I really love how you handled that conversation with ___ today.”

• “I noticed you put those boxes away, thank you”

Gottman’s research is very clear, relationships thrive when appreciation outweighs criticism.

Lastly, Don’t Wait Till It’s Too Late

Many couples wait until things are already tense, distant, or even explosive before reaching out for some help and assistance.

Therapy isn’t always a sign that something is wrong. It can be a sign you’re investing in what truly matters the most.

If you’d like some short- or long-term relationship support, the psychologists at Motivating Marriages are here to help you improve your communication, rebuild closeness, and set the tone for a rewarding 2026 ahead.

By Carlie Kowald

The Chaos of Christmas

The Christmas holidays are often filled with summer humidity, family gatherings, end-of-year exhaustion, a thousand social events and the almost inevitable financial pressure of trying to do it all. While it’s meant to be a time of relaxation, loveliness and connection, many couples feel overwhelmed, detached, and like passing ships.

If you and your partner find December harder than other months, you're not alone. At Motivating Marriages, we see this every year, good couples struggling under the stress of the season.

Here’s some simple, evidence-informed tips to help you stay grounded and connected to each other during the craziness of Christmas.

Prep Ahead

Many couples assume that plans will just be the same as other years … until little and big conflicts happen around details concerning family visits, gift expectations, travel plans, or holiday budgets.

Have a pre-Christmas chat. Set aside 20–30 minutes and ask each other:

• What matters most to you this Christmas?

• What do you want to avoid this year? (Crowded shopping centers, long drives, multiple gatherings in one day? That Aunty?)

• What extra support do you need from me?

At Motivating Marriages, we often remind couples that setting clear expectations reduces resentment and frustration. You don’t have to agree on everything, but by understanding each other’s priorities you can avoid conflict more easily.

Basic Boundaries

An Aussie Christmas can mean juggling multiple family events across suburbs - often in high heat, high humidity and high stress.

Healthy boundaries might include:

• Limiting how many people or houses you visit in one day

• Negotiating in advance how long you’ll stay at each gathering

• Protecting and prioritising downtime for just the two of you

• Saying no this year to any traditions/people/events/tasks that leave you drained

Boundaries can be discreet to everyone around you, but create a sense of safety, ease and relief when done correctly.

Stay Close

The summer holidays can become so busy that couples barely see each other for quality down time.

Keep it simple:

• A short evening walk, the kids can look at twinkling lights and you two can sneak in a little daily debrief

• A coffee together on the balcony before the day gets chaotic

• A 10-minute check-in before bed

• A moment of touch – holding hands, hand on their back as you walk past, a hug, a quick kiss

At Motivating Marriages, we emphasise that small, consistent micro moments matter far more than grand gestures or fancy one off dinners.

Team Work

Even with good preparation, the holidays can stir up emotions, re-ignite family tensions, old wounds, fatigue, or sensory overload.

Keep it simple:

• Choose a signal to communicate if you’re getting overwhelmed, remember they’re not mind readers - a particular phrase, a tap on the arm.

• Give yourself permission to step away briefly, pretend to take a phone call, grab a drink of water, take in some fresh outside air, sit in the shade, go play with the kids.

• Make an effort to reconnect when you are calm and more regulated.

• Provide loving reassurance: “We’re a team”. “I’ve got you”. “We can handle this.”

We can’t be our best 24/7. Focus on your own regulation and well-being as a priority.

Lastly, set the goals to be meaningful not mundane

Remember that the goal isn’t to create a picture-perfect Christmas that ticks all the social expectation boxes and looks great from the outside. The goal is to have quality time with quality people who make you feel light and loved.

By focusing on togetherness, teamwork, honesty, boundaries and small daily moments of care, you can create beautiful moments to treasure that feel authentic, meaningful and rewarding.

If You Need Immediate Support Over Christmas:

If you or your partner ever feels unsafe, overwhelmed, or unable to cope over the holiday break, please reach out to crisis supports:

• Lifeline Australia: 13 11 14

• 1800RESPECT (Domestic & Family Violence / Sexual Assault): 1800 737 732

• Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636

• Kids Helpline (for teens/young adults): 1800 55 1800

By: Carlie Kowald

Marathon Couples Therapy: When You Need More Than a Weekly Session

Extended Sessions Designed for Deeper Therapeutic Outcomes

If things in your relationship have felt a bit stuck, distant, conflictual or you are just wanting a fresh start together, MM’s marathon couples counselling can be a powerful way to reset. Instead of spreading things out over weeks and months, you are given dedicated and personalised treatment time (1-2 days, 8 hours a day) just the two of you and your MM Psychologist. The work is focused, uninterrupted time to reconnect, sort through what really matters, and make genuine progress, fast.

Deep Connection, Fast

In a standard one-hour therapy session, you often spend time catching up or revisiting last week’s issues. Marathon sessions with MM give you 8 hours a day of continuous focus, allowing you to:

• dig deeper into the things that truly matter

• create and maintain momentum 

• less starting and stopping

• reach meaningful change in a shorter time

Many MM couples say it feels like months of therapy in a single day.

Long Conversations, Big Breakthroughs

Some topics feel too big to try to squeeze into a standard one-hour session. Marathon sessions allow both partners the time and space they need to:

• slow big topics down

• understand each other’s perspectives

• explore emotions without rushing

• the ability to truly work through long-standing issues

The extended format helps both partners feel validated and less defensive.

Deep, Focused Support for Couples Ready for Change

Our MM marathon sessions follow a Gottman and EFT-informed process whereby you learn:

• practical communication tools

• steps to stop recurring arguments

• ways to manage conflict without further hurting each other

• skills for rebuilding trust and connection

Time and Space to Truly Hear Each Other

Marathon counselling can be particularly helpful if your relationship has:

• constant or intensified conflict

• emotional withdrawal

• trust or infidelity issues

• major life trauma 

• repeated conflict about the same topics

The extra time helps get to the core of what’s happening rather than getting caught up in the small everyday bickering. 

Convenient for Couples

Many couples find it very challenging to find the time for regular weekly sessions. Marathon therapy allows you to commit to one or two intensive days instead of months of frequent appointments. 

• helpful for working partners 

• easier to arrange childcare

• can book a weekend marathon 

• book ahead at a time that works for you both

You can get the support you need without interrupting your weekly routine.

Walk Away With Real, Usable Tools and Skills

By the end of your MM marathon sessions, you’ll leave with:

• a clearer more compassionate understanding of each other

• personalised strategies for communication

• specific tools to repair your conflict moments

• personalised emotion regulation skills

• steps to continue to reconnect emotionally

• a shared plan for moving forward

You will have actively practiced these skills in the therapy room so you can both feel confident using them at home together. 

Your Relationship Deserves More 

If you have tried other therapy styles, or just want to prioritise your relationship and want:
✔ quicker progress
✔ deeper emotional understanding
✔ more clarity and connection
✔ a structured, effective approach

… Then we would recommend MM’s marathon-style couples therapy as it can be exactly what your relationship is needing. Marathon couples therapy can give your relationship the chance it deserves to reset, rebuild, and reconnect. 

By Carlie Kowald

Low Battery Love: How to Recharge After Burnout

We all know what it feels like to come home after a long, exhausting day. But burnout isn’t just about being tired, it’s a much deeper sense of being completely drained, stuck, and running on absolute empty. And the worst bit is that burnout has a way of seeping slowly into your personal life and romantic relationships.

If you’ve noticed more arguments, less closeness, or that “roommate” feeling settling in, it could be work or life burnout showing up between you and your partner. These changes can be misinterpreted as disinterest or rejection, potentially leading to misunderstandings or conflict. However if we can recognise these behaviours as potential indicators of burnout instead, it may allow both partners to respond with empathy and support rather than personalisation and hurt.

How Burnout Actually Feels

Burnout usually builds slowly. You might start to notice:

• Fatigue that no amount of sleep or rest seems to alleviate.

• Irritability slips into little interactions.

• Detachment like you’re just going through the motions.

• Feeling easily overwhelmed trouble keeping up with things you can normally handle easily.

Over time, these little changes in communication and connection can create distance and negativity.

Quick Self-Check

Ask yourself if you or your partner shows signs of:

• Increased irritability, intolerance or impatience.
• Emotional detachment.
• A decrease in intimacy or physical closeness.
• Persistent exhaustion, even after adequate rest.
• Frequent conversations dominated by work stress or life dissatisfaction.
• Diminished interest in social activities.
• Neglect of usual self-care routines, including mindful eating, exercise, or sleep.

Recognising these behaviours as potential signs of burnout—rather than relational disconnection—can help both partners respond with greater empathy, understanding, and support.

How Partners Can Recharge After Burnout

The following strategies can help partners begin to rebuild connection and shared well-being:

1. Externalise and label
   Rather than labelling behaviours as personal failings (“you’ve been so cranky”), discuss them in terms of burnout. For example, “It seems like burnout is affecting us right now.” Naming the burnout reduces blame and encourages collaborative problem-solving and action.

2. Meaningful daily check-in
   Spend a few minutes each evening asking one another, “How are you really feeling today?” Even when these conversations feel confronting, daunting or complex, this question creates emotional attunement and builds trust in your connection.

3. Support don’t rescue

   Remember that burnout is usually temporary and that showing patience and compassion can help you both through it. Encourage and cheerleader supportively from the metaphorical sideline.

4. Protect downtime together
   Establish clear boundaries around work discussions, such as putting away devices before bed, or introducing a daily “pause” period. Even brief moments of uninterrupted time together can strengthen relational bonds and create distance from work or life stressors.

5. Lighten the load

   Suggest taking time off, quiet low-key weekends, easy weekday dinner preparation or early nights in bed without guilt. Replace long tiring emotional talks with small, comforting moments like watching a movie together. Try not to just give advice, try to support and show empathy.

6. Small steps

   Reintroduce small gestures of affection such a hug upon returning home, kind supportive words, or holding hands during a walk. Rebuild connection slowly. Once emotional energy returns, reintroduce fun, touch, and laughter. Be guided by them at the start.

7. Find joy, accomplishment and satisfaction again
   Encourage healthy stress-relief activities such as exercise, mindfulness, hobbies, or activities that elicit the release of happy chemical such oxytocin, dopamine, endorphins or serotonin. Participating in these together can also serve as quality time.

8. Psychological assistance
   If burnout is continuing or has become too overwhelming, think about starting therapy either individually or as a couple, that can provide a structured, safe and neutral space to address challenges.

Readjust to Recharge

As discussed, burnout has the potential to chip away at any relationship. However as we can see there are lots of tips and strategies to bridge the gaps in connection and be a source of support for each other. The presence of life or work burnout can be seen as a signal that something isn’t working for you, something needs to change, not just with your job, but for your overall health and for the person you have chosen to share your life with. The opportunity can be used to reflect, readjust, find a different pace or direction, and change what hasn’t been serving you well. Seize the chance to recharge your low battery to get the spark of love and joy back again!

By Carlie Kowald

Love On The Spectrum: Turning Traits Into Treasures

Every relationship comes with its unique mix of strengths and challenges. This individuality can be further exaggerated when one partner shows traits of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). 

Although the differences in communication styles, emotional expression, or routine rigidness may sometimes lead to frustration and annoyance, those same differences often bring other strengths such as loyalty, honesty, deep focus, and stimulating perspectives on the world.

The problem many couples face is often not the ASD traits themselves, but how those traits are interpreted. What looks like rigidness may actually be consistency. What feels like emotional intensity could instead be a different way of showing love. When partners shift from seeing these traits as “difficulties” to seeing them as their partner’s “wiring,” it opens the door to more empathy, teamwork and connection.

DSM-5 Criteria for Autism Spectrum Disorder

According to the DSM-5, ASD is characterised by challenges in two main areas:

1.

Persistent difficulties in social communication and interaction, such as:

• Trouble with back-and-forth conversation.

• Reduced sharing of emotions or interests.

• Difficulty understanding nonverbal cues (tone of voice, body language).

• Challenges developing or maintaining close relationships.

2.

Restricted or repetitive patterns of behaviour, interests, or activities, such as:

• Rigid routines or rituals.

• Intense focus on specific interests.

• Sensitivity (or reduced sensitivity) to sensory input, like sounds, textures, or lights.

These traits begin early in life, cause some level of difficulty in functioning, and can range from mild to more pronounced. Some people exhibit no overt or obvious behaviours outwardly as they may have learnt to socially mask exceptionally well. 

Neurospicy Relationships

Let’s look at a few common clinical examples we see in therapy:

• Communication misunderstandings
  Lena feels hurt because her partner, Daniel, rarely asks about her day unprompted. Daniel, who shows traits of ASD, does not recognise that small talk is an important way Lena feels connected. To him, love is shown through cooking her dinner each night or researching solutions when she has a problem at work.

• Differences in emotional expression
  Maria describes her boyfriend Sam as “closed off” because he doesn’t often say “I love you.” Sam feels very deeply for her but instead expresses his affection through consistency and reliability. He puts his effort into always being on time and remembering small details that matter to her like how she likes to talk about her day as soon as she gets home each day. 

• Sensory sensitivities
  Luca becomes overwhelmed at noisy social gatherings, leading his partner to think he isn’t putting in much effort for her and is avoiding her friends. In truth, the crowded environment causes sensory overload, and he needs a quieter setting to fully engage, preferring small groups and 1:1 settings. 

Turning Traits into Treasures

1. Reframe your Frustration to Fascination
   Instead of assuming and personalising your partners lack of hugs or introversion try to be curious about how these may be part of your partner’s neurological style. Consider asking them “How do you show me care?” rather than assuming and expecting that it should look the same as your style (or the glorified rom com movies!).

2. Clear Connected Communication
   Partners with ASD traits often state that they would prefer clear, direct communication rather than alluding to, hints or subtle cues. Saying, “It would mean a lot if you asked me about my day when I sit down at dinner” is much more effective than waiting for them to notice or take the hint.

3. Respect Routines and Personal Preferences
   While flexibility is important, respecting a partner’s routines and preferences (such as eating at the same time each night or needing alone time straight after work) can reduce stress between the partners. Negotiating these openly can prevent unnecessary conflicts and reduce resentment and feelings of rejection.

4. Small Sacrifices for Big Love
   For example, if one partner struggles with emotional reciprocity, the couple might agree to set aside time each evening for structured check-ins. If sensory overload is a factor, couples might choose quieter venues for socialising.

5. Invest in Your Love Story
   Couples therapy, especially with a therapist experienced in neurodiversity, can help both partners understand each other’s needs and learn practical strategies for connection. Both our MM couples counsellors Kerrie and Adrian are trained in ASD and neurodiversity. 

Different Styles with Shared Goals

In summary, having a partner with ASD traits means the couple has opportunities to build their connection in creative, unique and meaningful ways. Many of the qualities associated with ASD such as devotion, straightforwardness, and dedication can actually strengthen the romantic bond when both partners learn to recognise, accept and value them.

The key is shifting the focus from frustration about the obvious differences to one of appreciation of their unique strengths. When we can be curious instead of critical, and have clear communication, mutual respect, and compromise, this paves the way ahead for a connection that feels genuine, safe and long lasting.

By working with the traits of ASD instead of against them, you have the opportunity to create a relationship that admittedly might look or feel a little bit different than we tend to see in the movies, but is one grounded in honesty, stability, and a love that is truly one-of-a-kind. 

By Carlie Kowald