“Eyes are the window to the soul”
“Actions speak louder than words”
“I can see how you truly feel about that”
The Power and Impact of Non-Verbal Communication in Romantic Relationships
Non-verbal communication is the action of expressing our emotions and true reactions without the use of verbal words. It involves various forms of visual signals, such as facial expressions, body language, posture, eye contact, tone of voice, and physical touch. These signals convey our feelings and intentions often more openly than words. As an innate and universal form of communication across many countries, continents and cultures, non-verbal communication allows people to connect with each other without the use of a shared dialect or verbal language. Because of the universality of non-verbal communication it can help romantic partners connect on a deeper emotional level, by encouraging and deepening intimacy and trust.
Non-verbal signals also play a crucial role during conflicts and can either serve as being unhelpful or helpful to the conflict depending on how aware we are of our body language. Using gentle eye contact and leaning in to listen attentively can help reduce tension and show a willingness to resolve concerns. With awareness and knowledge of each other’s non-verbal communication, couples can build more satisfying and fulfilling relationships.
CONTEMPT
Non-Verbal Communication of Contempt
Contemptuous non-verbal behaviour usually shows itself in facial or physical expressions that communicate disdain, superiority, or a general lack of respect. When exhibited in our romantic relationships, this behaviour is corrosive to the safety, trust and quality of the relationship. Non-verbal cues can communicate a range of negative emotions and attitudes, often intensifying conflict or misunderstanding in interactions.
Examples of contemptuous non-verbal communication:
Sneering, where one side of the mouth is raised, conveying disdain
Sarcasm uses a taunting tone to belittle
A shrug of the shoulders trivialises the situation, signalling indifference
An eye roll demonstrates judgment or dismissiveness
Smirking suggests superiority or mockery
Tilting the head back, or looking down the nose, conveys dominance
A raised eyebrow can imply doubt or arrogance
An exaggerated sigh indicates irritation or impatience
Behaviours like scoffing, a curt laugh or noise, and leaning back physically, show an attempt to distance oneself, further creating disconnection
Turning away, purposely avoiding eye contact, or pointing fingers can signal indifference, disrespect, or aggression
Mocking or mimicking increases intimidation and demeans the other partner, undermining mutual respect and a sense of safety
Contemptuous non-verbal behaviour is especially harmful in romantic relationships because it communicates disrespect and a lack of empathy. This leaves the other partner feeling dismissed and devalued.
AVOIDENCE
Avoidant and Disengaged Non-Verbal Communication
Avoidant non-verbal communication is characterised by behaviours that convey a partner’s discomfort and withdrawal, showing a want to avoid conversation, confrontation, or emotion. This detached communication style often reveals a partner’s attempt to protect themselves from vulnerability or disagreement.
Below are examples of avoidant non-verbal behaviours:
Quick glances and/or an expressionless face, show a lack of emotional connection.
Automatic head nods, tightened lips, and minimal movements indicate suppressed reactions or a reluctance to engage
Closed posture, crossed arms, along with turning or leaning away, creates physical and emotional barriers
Behaviours like fidgeting, frequent blinking, and a monotone voice often reflect nervousness or disinterest
Avoiding eye contact, one-word answers, or stopping mid-sentence show a reluctance to participate in the conversation
Maintaining unnecessary physical distance, avoiding attempts to touch/soothe, or positioning near exits communicates a desire to withdraw
Distracted frequent glances and extended pauses add to the feeling of detachment
Subtle signs like a tensed jaw indicate internal stress or an attempt at restraint
These avoidance behaviours may impair a partner’s perceived warmth and perceived willingness to repair conflict effectively. Recognising and addressing these non-verbal behaviours can help promote more reciprocal and positive communication increasing trust and a sense of emotional safety within the relationship.
HEALTHY
Healthy Non-Verbal Couples Communication
Healthy and connected non-verbal communication signals attentiveness, sincerity, and a genuine connection between partners. They allow the other partner to feel seen, heard and accepted.
Below are examples of healthy and engaged non-verbal communication:
Genuine smiles and relaxed facial features create an atmosphere of openness, acceptance and emotional availability
Active listening expressions such as nods, expressive eyes, raised eyebrows show engagement and connection
Sustained, comfortable eye contact and glancing at your partner show respect and focus
Positioning your body directly toward them with open posture shows curiosity
Delicate gestures like leaning in, supportive touch, and maintaining a comfortable distance emphasise interest and connection while respecting personal boundaries
Matching emotions to follow with the tone of the conversation helps it to feel authentic and dynamic
Appropriate pauses and connected silence used carefully and thoughtfully allows for reflection and emotional processing
Brief expressions of emotion such as smiles, or a softening gentle gaze show genuine engagement and focus
Healthy and engaged non-verbal communication promotes care, compassion, and a sense of mutual respect. It shows a partner’s true emotional presence and connection, which when used positively helps to build more intimate and fulfilling relationships and emotional interactions.
Next time your partner is communicating with you on something important to them, be gently curious of what your posture, eyes and nonverbal communication is ‘saying’ to them. Actions really do speak louder than words.
WATCH: 6-minute video summarising non-verbal communication
By: Carlie Kowald
References:
Contempt Facial Expression: Unveiling the Power of Nonverbal Communication | A Simplified Psychology Guide, 2022.
https://www.powerofpositivity.com/5-reasons-non-verbal-communication-is-so-important-in-intimacy/
OpenAI, 2024.
https://www.verywellmind.com/types-of-nonverbal-communication-2795397
