“My partner has been diagnosed with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (c-PTSD) and I’m not sure how best to support them”.

You have most likely heard of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) which is an anxiety disorder that can occur after a traumatic event or a number of traumatic events. However, it is important to know that c-PTSD is also caused by traumas to someone’s life.

What is Complex PTSD?

Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (c-PTSD) is a psychological condition that develops from prolonged exposure to a series of traumatic events, usually in a situation where the individual may feel trapped, ignored, rejected, unimportant, not good enough, unlovable, unwanted, and helpless. Unlike standard PTSD, which is often be caused by a single traumatic event, c-PTSD may be caused by repeated traumas, a series of emotional or relational traumas, such as ongoing abuse or emotional neglect. This prolonged, ongoing trauma picture of c-PTSD is most often caused in childhood or teenhood and can significantly impact a person's view of themselves quite early on in their life, and thus can later affect the adult’s ability to form and maintain healthy relationships in later life.

The child or teen’s brain cannot fully comprehend the reasons behind the parent or caregiver’s inability to meet their basic emotional or physical needs and may internalise this to mean that they themselves are bad, stupid, not good enough, unlovable, unsafe, or unworthy. The child or teen’s brain may not be able to understand why they receive affection and support sometimes, but not other times. This result of unmet core fundamental needs as a child or teen is that they grow into adults who continue to have this chronic fear that they may not get the love or emotional support they need when they need it. This uncertainty and doubt obviously affects the person’s emotional and psychological development, especially in later adult relationships.

 

Understanding Complex PTSD

Research shows that c-PTSD can impact your partner’s life in many ways:

o   Low or poor self-image

o   Distrust of others

o   Attachment issues (insecure attachment style)

o   Difficulty with healthy emotion regulation (anger, distress or depression)

o   Impulsive behaviours

o   Difficulty with emotional intimacy or closeness

o   Fear of abandonment

o   Sensitive to criticism

o   Reduced ability to tolerate stress

o   Poor memory

o   Changes to personality traits

o   Flashbacks/triggers/sensory overwhelm

o   Increase risk of substance use

o   Heightened hypervigilance around other people

o   Unhealthy coping skills

c-PTSD affects a person’s self-identity, self-worth, sense of relationship safety, interpersonal skills, trust building and boundary setting skills. The symptoms of c-PTSD can tend to be both chronic and broad, with a wider range of symptoms than PTSD and impacts a partner’s self-identity and view of themselves.

How Can I Help My Partner?

Learn Your Partners Coping Techniques

Your partner may feel validated, loved, and supported if you enquire as to what tips, skills or techniques you could remind them to use during difficult times. It may help you to feel effective and confident if you can find ways to support your partner when they are having a challenging moment such as deep breathing exercises, grounding activity or prompting them to have a walk together.

Be Consistent and Reliable

It may make it easier for your partner to trust you and build a secure attachment with you if your communication and your actions feel safe, secure, and predictable.

Validation!

Acknowledging their reactions and emotions allows your partner to feel supported and cared for by you. You could try mirroring back parts of what they’ve expressed “I hear you saying you want to be left alone. Do I have that right?” or saying things like “I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for you”.

Trying Your Best Not To Personalise

This is probably one of the hardest ones to master but trying hard to not to take things personally. Your partner may have a distressing reaction, emotional withdrawal, or angry eruption due to a situation. It is important to try to remain calm and remember that they have experienced past relationship traumas, and their reaction may be caused by ‘old stuff’ and not necessarily something you have unintentionally done. Checking in with your partner and being curious and open to their triggers is important.  

Learn, Research and Educate Yourself

Get that internet search bar ready and source some trusted sites educating yourself about c-PTSD so that you feel empowered, confident and prepared. In turn, this may assist you to feel more genuine empathy and patience, (and helps you to not personalise the symptoms as much when they pop up – “oh that’s a c-PTSD thing it’s not directed at me this time!”). Understanding that some behaviours are rooted in trauma can help partners respond easier with empathy rather than frustration.

Clear Honest Reciprocal Communication

Open communication is crucial to any healthy relationship and especially helpful with c-PTSD. Both partners should feel safe to express their feelings and concerns without a worry of judgment or ridicule. Scheduling a regular check-in chat could be a good idea to continue to build trust, safety and intimacy in your relationship. Both partners need to feel supported and validated by each other.

Prioritising Your Self Care

Loving and caring for a partner with any mental health condition is most likely at times going to be challenging and exhausting. It is important to nurture your own mental health and wellbeing as well as your partners. Whilst we ask our partners to care for themselves with their self-care, it is just as important that you care for you too. Ensuring you both have healthy boundaries, having downtime (whatever that looks like for you), ideally incorporating exercise/movement into your weekly routine and spending some time alone and in nature can assist in finding healthy balance and regulation for you.

Seeking Support

Relationships take time, energy and attention to ensure they are healthy and satisfying to both partners. Seeking professional support services and encouraging both personal and couples counselling is recommended. Therapy with a trained professional allows for a structured safe space for learning new skills, healing and growth.

Conclusion

Complex PTSD has the potential to impact our adult romantic relationships even though the traumas most likely were caused a long time ago by difficult childhood relationships. Most of us benefit from protecting and nurturing our own mental health and well-being, and c-PTSD is no different. By focusing on effective communication, educating yourself, ensuring both of you have clear boundaries, prioritising mutual self-care and utilising specialised professional support, the symptoms of c-PTSD can be drastically minimised. With the right support from each other you can both build a satisfying, fulfilling and loving relationship together.

By Carlie Kowald