Here at Motivating Marriages, we are Gottman Institute trained psychologists, and use the Gottman Method throughout all our couple’s therapy services, as well as running Gottman Institute workshops, including Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and Emotion Coaching the Heart of Parenting. 

You may be wondering who the Gottman Institute is and why do we lean on and use their methods so heavily throughout all we do?

In this blog post, we will explore the Gottman Institute, delve into their methods and see how they work to help couples repair and build healthy and lasting bonds.

What is the Gottman Institute and why is it so renowned? 

The Gottman Institute is a pioneer in relationship science and has revolutionized our understanding of marriage, relationships, and couple’s therapy. With over four decades of ground-breaking research and clinical experience, the Gottman Method is an evidence-based approach to couples therapy that has proven to be highly effective. 

The Gottman Method: A Research-Based Approach to Relationship Therapy: 

Developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, the Gottman Method is grounded in 40 years of research and clinical expertise. The Gottman’s have observed and studied thousands of couples, utilizing diverse and unparalleled research methods. 

Their pioneering work includes the ability to predict divorce with 91% accuracy by observing just a 15-minute conflict conversation. 

From their decades of observations and research, they have developed a therapeutic method that draws on the behaviours and patterns of both successful and struggling couples.

The Core Principles of the Gottman Method

The Gottman Method is built upon several core principles that lay the foundation for healthy relationships. It emphasizes the importance of friendship, love, and understanding as the building blocks of a strong partnership. By enhancing understanding, improving communication, and strengthening emotional bonds, couples can cultivate a solid and resilient connection.

The Gottman Method stands out for its reliance on observational research, allowing the identification of behaviours and patterns that can predict relationship success or failure. This research-driven approach offers targeted interventions to help couples break destructive patterns and create positive change. Taking a comprehensive approach, the method addresses underlying dynamics and empowers partners to take responsibility, fostering lasting positive change. The proven effectiveness of the Gottman Method, supported by numerous studies, provides hope and reassurance to couples that improvement in relationship satisfaction, communication, conflict resolution, and overall stability is possible.

The Sound Relationship House Theory

The Sound Relationship House theory is the cornerstone of the Gottman Method. It represents a metaphorical structure that encompasses the different levels of a healthy and thriving relationship. Just as a well-built house requires a strong foundation, a healthy relationship requires attention and investment in various areas. 

Let's explore the 7 different levels of the Sound Relationship House:

1. Build Love Maps: This level focuses on deepening the understanding of each other's inner worlds, including dreams, desires, fears, and values. Actively engaging and updating your partner's Love Map builds a solid foundation.

2. Share Fondness and Admiration: Nurturing a positive perspective about your partner involves expressing appreciation, affection, and respect. Cultivating fondness and admiration strengthens the bond, especially during challenging times.

3. Turn Towards Instead of Away: The quality of everyday interactions plays a crucial role in the health of a relationship. Actively responding to bids for attention or support and showing interest and responsiveness nurtures connection.

4. The Positive Perspective: Maintaining a positive outlook on your partner's intentions and actions fosters trust, empathy, and emotional safety. Assuming goodwill and interpreting behaviour positively strengthens the relationship.

5. Manage Conflict: Conflict is inevitable, but how it is managed matters. Developing effective communication and conflict resolution skills involves expressing needs constructively, active listening, and seeking mutually satisfying solutions.

6. Make Life Dreams Come True: Supporting each other's aspirations, goals, and dreams creates a shared sense of meaning and purpose. Actively working together promotes partnership, collaboration, and mutual growth.

7. Create Shared Meaning: Building a strong sense of shared rituals, values, and goals fosters a sense of belonging. Creating traditions, rituals, and shared experiences aligns values and visions for the future.

Each level of the Sound Relationship House is interconnected, and nurturing one level supports the growth and stability of the others. By understanding and working on these different levels, couples can create a strong, resilient, and meaningful relationship.

The Sound Relationship House is a fundamental part of our assessment of all couples’ relationship wellbeing. After completing a Relationship Wellbeing Assessment, we provide a detailed report including a breakdown of the strengths and challenges in your relationship at each level of the Sound Relationship House, and personalised recommendations for strengthening each part of your relationship. Recommendations include books to read, podcasts to listen to, activities and exercises to do, and apps you can use to strengthen your bonds, improve communication, manage conflict, and create a shared sense of meaning.

The Gottman Method and the Sound Relationship House theory offer hope to couples experiencing relationship challenges. 

We would love to help you embark on a transformative journey toward building a healthier and more satisfying relationship. If you’d like information about working with us, you can view our upcoming Gottman Workshops here, our Couple’s Therapy Services here, or reach out if you would like to chat with us!